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November 2nd, 2006

May God's Kingdom Reign Again!

I am Justin. 

I was a man.  I am a male.  I am bisexual.  I was asexual.  I was depressed.  I am bipolar.  I am a student.  I  was employed.  I was a Christian.  I am agnostic.  I am white.  I was blind.  I was naive.  I am cynical.  I am indifferent.  I was loved. 

For some time now I have sought a unifying theory; a theory that would comfort me and make everything possible.  It was an optimistic and hopeful idea about the world.  When I looked out at the world, everything seemed interconnected and interdependent.  It seemed quite obvious to me that there was a simple and elegant pattern to all things.  The pattern was complete, consistent and coherent.  It could simplify all things to a firm foundation -- one that I would understand and stand upon.  Standing this way I had hoped that my theory of the world would unify all questions to their answers and satisfy my curiosity.

I went out in the world and stepped into some inertia bent against any unity of all things. 

The growth of the sexes to the unisex is genetically prevented.  May God speed evolution!
The transcendence to genderless people is socially de-constructed.  May God rain fire upon Eve!
The normalcy of psychologies is differentiated abnormally. May scientists be made in the image of God!
The reduction of language to logic failed. May God spare us Babel's sins!
The absolute equality of all people infringed on their absolute freedom. May God's Kingdom reign again!

These people want to love their significant other(s), but not the others.  These people nash their teeth at the sheer thought of loosing their identity, and gnaw at death.  So I arrived at the only ideal solution for me to attain unity: destroy culture.  The destruction would scale insuperable barriers, expose fabricated dichotomies, and culminate in the obliteration of individuality.  I would converge into a singularity of Oneness.  And all things would be me.

All that remains now is space and time. ... and I wonder if even their patterns can resist these people or if I will simply tire from resisting their resistance.  Perhaps I should just fold my hands.  God didn't deal any good cards to me anyways.