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January 9th, 2007

In Defense of ... Not Again

I am again at odds with my lil' world of LJ'ers and peeps.  This time it's the "stupidity" phenomena sweeping virtual and real worlds.  Puns totally intended.  But I'm not on your side LJ and peeps: I'm defending those small-minded, stupid (American) retards. 

*GASP*

And that's all I really need to say but allow me to step onto the soapbox alongside you.  The online and offline concensus against small-minded, stupid (American) retards is a trend in a myriad of other trends, so I know it is futile to ask you to stop bashing "them" because it will persist until you move on to picking on someone else.  You're going to keep on doing it because it makes you feel better about your smarts, intelligence(s), experiences, realizations, etc.  Are we really that afraid of the Real World, Bush and Wal-Mart?!  Ooopsy, I'm linking extrinsic measures of intelligence with feelings of inadequecy.  :)

But I had to just write this here and now: calling people names has bit me in the ass and this is going to bite you in the ass.  ... Smart asses.

P.S.
Absolute Equality Rules! bring on your philosophies ... I'm waiting; justification of superiority, please ...

Is It Worth It?

Kim just gave me an arse whipping that ended with, "You just have to decide if it's worth it."  That speaks volumes for my dillemma.  What is worth my time, energy, life, ... ?

Right now my life operates on spontenaity, but I have found that idealized 'living for the moment' reaks havoc on my relationships with people.  I strolled into the Library to read a few journals and a post a few things because it was something to do after Star Trek went off-air and I spontaneously bumped into Kim.  She was standing by the circulation desk so I went up to her and she gave me that glare -- the 'where have you been and why haven't you returned my messages' glare.  Almost two hours later, and I'm here telling you about that random encounter with her and our random conversation that ended with 'is it worth it, Justin?'

I don't think you realize this but you people are planners, or at least that is what I call you.  Deny it all you want, make the best effort to say how normal we all are and how we all do these things but your relationships operate differently than mine.  Just admit it.  You pick up the phone and cancel lunch because you need some more sleep but you make plans for dinner then next day and you show up.  Well I, on the other hand, ignore the ringing, listening to your voicemail, roll back over in bed to sleep; and turn on Star Trek, totally forgetting that you ever called, head to the Library and bump into a starved friend who hasn't made dinner plans.

:)

It's a different relationship schema and you cannot deny it.  No, your job, my dear planner, is to say it doesn't work my way.  Yet you  promulgate how living in the moment is the Best Life.  Hah!  If you only knew.  You idealize the opposite way you live.

I don't expect pity.  I do expect you to defend yourself.  Is the momentary life feasible? why or why not?  And what is this planning?  How can you deny that it is not a day planner of ToDo lists marking your progression towards death?

So I wonder what is worth my time, energy, and life.  Relationships are risky, as Kim and I agreed.  They are like market economies.  You invest in someone, front up the capitol, let the relationship gain value, borrow time and energy from your friend like an interest bearing loan, ... there's no garauntee despite any collateral.  Hence, why plan on being friends or partners a year from now?  I would rather be with someone, you see.  But, of course, "it doesn't work that way".  People operate like an economy.  When I withdraw from them, then I cannot withdraw a dinner from them.  No, I must invest in them again by jumping through several relational hoops that includes back-and-forth emails and phone calls until I "earn" a dinner.  It's disgusting to me that I can abstract something so personal as a dinner with a friend in economic terms!  But you people did this! and you're so invested in this planning system that you cannot risk transfering your funds to the moment.

*ugh*

Sarah calls me fickle or flippant or something vaguely undependable.  Well in the grand scheme of things, is there anything permanent?  So why invest in someone who will eventually declare bankruptcy or close their doors?  I suppose the answer lies in a compromise: instead of planning every moment or living every moment, I should do a little of both.  I should plan on living every moment.

LOL!  I amuse myself ...